Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
