My hair reeks of homosexuality.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
