you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
