covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
