dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
