I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
