then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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