i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
