i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
