her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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