I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
