you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
