Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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