Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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