if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My balls are so social today.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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