Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
