Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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