she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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