i just wanna soil my oats bro
if i died would you start the facebook group?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
