You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
