she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Pooping to opera.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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