she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
