i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
