I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
handjob tips. give me some.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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