So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
