I faked an abortion last night.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
