She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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