If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
