i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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