i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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