Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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