I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
