my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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