he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
