Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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