His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
