I'm gonna have a badass scar
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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