mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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