dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
