Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
