You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I faked an abortion last night.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
