Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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