I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
