stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Send help, water and tortillas.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
