some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
