when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
is it fun? or sober?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
