hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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