I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
