bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
