I'm jealous of your bromance
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
